After this “event” God is God I began to feel like I had calmed down mentally. A few weeks went by and I began to feel attacks coming my way to my physical body. It was April and for 3 weeks I felt fine except for the start of what was voices in my head, which I had began to to become used to and started to talk to back to them occasionally, often laughing at their jokes about the insults towards me from the other people. Even though it was settling down and I had become used to voices somewhat, it was still quite difficult to hold my mind together so to speak. I was entering into schizophrenia.
After this 3 weeks of rest and respite where I was sleeping into till 11 am in the morning regularly and enjoying downloading my dreams as much as I possible could have. My god is god experience was somewhat of a a bipolar episode where my mind was extremely fast, hyperactive along with having too much energy including insomnia, so afterward I found myself quite tired. Therefor the rest did me well mentally and physically. Once April had come around I began playing my music again on occasion because I began to have thoughts that it was not real but the voices in my head kept reiterating to me that it was all definitely real and true.
I would have a lot of encouragement in my head which was making me think about the nature of my reality in a way. I decided I lived in a split reality where my mind had been cracked open and was officially connected to other dimensions. I had this thought previously the year before 2015 but I was ecstatic the previous christmas and didn’t quite grasp the nature of living within two different realms. I spent quite a lot of time on the internet looking up wikipedia pages about archangels and looking into the mental plane but I could barely find anything that could explain the connections between the worlds. It all just got me ticking about what I could really prove with schizophrenia. The voices were the beginning of my realisation that my mind had been cracked open but it wasn’t until I began to see in full picture one day in the middle of April that i realised I had been opened up completely.
Even though everything around the people I could see was black I could see them in full picture which for the first day wasn’t too painful but I was worried about losing myself into this other reality or rater the mental plane and not being able to focus on what I’m doing on the physical. Some people where dark silhouettes and I could barely make their faces out as they were in that much darkness, toward the direction of what I felt was the north. In front of them was Rachel wearing a white dress and carrying a white feather. She was in the light but in the beginning but it was quite dim. To the east was Andrew, he wasn’t quite in the light but I could see him in full picture. He was wearing a red shirt with blue jeans. Behind him were dark silhouettes. From this direction I could feel a great amount of pressure toward my mind and an energy of hatred toward me. Offset to Andrews right was Angela and Mark who weren’t really doing or saying anything but were just staring at me. With them was the Gnostic Movement including Geraldine. In the middle was myself laying on my side facing the east wearing a red dress. I figured at the time this red dress was symbolising some sort of sacrifice within myself as I was coming to these conclusions that all the people around me represented a different psychological aspect of myself or rater an ego within me and that there responses were a reflection of this ego within myself. I also felt that this red dress represented myself as a sacrifice for the world. This didn’t get me down at the time as I felt proud of what I was and what I wanted to achieve with a spiritual revolution.
These visuals become more and more intense as the days went on. It continued for what I think was four days. By the last day I had enough and my mind could no longer take the visuals and the energies. I become depressed as the intensity was stepped up significantly. I decided to lay down on the couch in the afternoon and laid for what would have been a couple of hours, staring at nothing, just feeling the intensity of attack upon my mind. At that point Rachel was in the pure white light, so bright and intense it was quite a sight to behold. I felt as if she was my light and hope among all the surrounding darkness. There were also people to the south and west. The people in the south were dimmed out in a grey light wearing normal tan and white clothes. But I could barely ever see them as my focus was on the east primarily when every now and then I would look towards the north. To the back of me which was the west there were other people all in off white robes. They weren’t saying anything to me but I figured this was a symbol of my light consciousness.
All of a sudden as the intensity was reaching it’s maximum point the Archons began to arrive next to me, each facing an opposite side, squatting down facing each other on either side of me in a type of stare off competition. First to arrive was Samael in a black tuxedo who was by himself he squatted behind me and I could feel a great sense of love and concern for my welfare. I asked for his help in calming my mind down and he disappeared. Then Gabriel in a white jacket came and she squatted down beside me looking toward the west with a very stern look on her face as if she was asking them to stop and also giving them an ultimatum. She stayed there for quite a few minutes protecting me, almost ten minutes then disappeared. Then, who at the time I thought was Uriel but turns out was actually Uneal appeared and he was also facing the west staring at Andrew. Samael then appeared on my opposite side and they began a staring competition and I figured that I had to choose between the different Archons but I hadn’t figured why. I could feel their pressure in making me choose though so I got into it and started talking to them and eventually I chose Samael. I briefly remember Orifiel standing to the south wearing black but I decided not to choose him as I felt to much pressure to go through too much suffering to overcome the forces of darkness if I chose him.
After this I found myself between Gabriel and Samael where I had to choose between them. I sat on the decision for a while. For about half an hour I simply couldn’t choose, it was as if I wanted to choose both of them or for them to work together but this was simply not possible and I began to understand this somewhat. Eventually something happened where I became scared of Samael and told him I would not choose him and then chose Gabriel instead. This decision was to a certain degree forced upon me mentally but I felt sense of relief once I had made it as the archons had disaapeared and they had stopped putting pressure on me.
The people also dissapeared and I thought it was over but the energy kept getting worse. I got up from the couch and went to stand by the heater in the other room. The people all returned once I was by the heater. The energy became so intense to my mind and I seriously considered going to a hospital as I was not capable of handling the mental pain for much longer. I stood there contemplating going or not and something within me was adamant that I was not going to give in and go. I kept telling myself no I am not going to a hospital again. I was scared of breaking the psychosis as last time it broke I went into a depression.
That’s when something seriously scary happened. My jaw did something where it was as if I was not controlling it all and it moved for one side to the other in a mechanical fashion along with a strange and loud mechanical sound as it moved. That was it I thought, to the hospital I go as I feared my jaw was not going to be under my control at all and I would not even be able to speak. I could feel and sense the people around me were excited to see me go insane or perhaps even to see me die and they continued on with the pressure and mental energies. About 30 seconds later Gabriel appeared to the northwest in her white jacket with her arms crossed and said to everyone in a stern loud voice “That is enough!”. She then gave me a smile, as if to say “we did it and it’s over” and everyone including her disappeared and all the anguish was gone completely.