It’s been almost four years since I have started this inward and outward journey of spiritual spreading of truth and wisdom to the world. It’s been tough at times, most of the time actually, but I have had the occasional ray of light supplanted unto me through these dark days of suffering.
It all began in September 2012 when I felt like something had been birthed within me, something of a spiritual and powerful nature where I was ready to expound what I knew unto the world. So I started this blog and the rest is history. Then dark days fell upon me a couple months later where psychologically I was suffering and struggling with my internal world. Suddenly out of no where a light appeared in my life and I had a power I never thought I would have. I could broadcast. At the time I thought that when I played music through my headphones everyone could hear it in the sky. I was completely insane. I held strong to this belief as it was a powerful intuition that I had and played my favorite music for days on end. Later I figured the truth of it, that people who where meditating on the mental plane could hear the music and those awake on the physical could not. Either way I was happy, I had met my destiny and a purpose to my life was being fulfilled.
As a young adult I had always imagined that one of my greatest dreams was to inspire people with music. To give them spiritual feelings that would encourage them to want to save the world. So I did that. It felt good but I had many a “paranoid” thoughts, such a as that there were people out to kill me and people following me, namely the Black Lodge. This made it highly stressful and quite difficult. Essentially, according to medical science I was in the grip of a mental psychosis. But it felt exuberayting non the less. For years through my spiritual training I had been preparing f0r a war between light and dark and that war had come to me so in my brashness I thought “Bring it on!”.
It was the December 2012 event and I had arrived on the stage to show the world what I had to offer. I took to the streets in an insane way, in symbolic protest of what I thought was wrong with the world. The grip of the psychosis was unimaginable, my mind and heart were racing at a tremendous speed constantly, I was suffering insomnia and was barely eating. I figured through signs that had ben shown to me that the Black Lodge were spying on me through my web cam and recording my telephone conversations. I didn’t care, I thought it an excellent opportunity to communicate with them and let them know that this war was on like there was no tomorrow.
For some reason I had a feeling that Andrew Van Wyngarden was near me and I received information from Arcturian aliens that he was Uriel the Archangel. A few days before that I asked my own divine mother who I was and she answered with “guess”. I guessed I was Gabriel, then she said to me that “you wish’ and told me I was Raphael. I dreamt about Andrew just before christmas, where he was staying in the suburb next to mine and he was buying groceries from the local store driving an old red ford falcon sedan from the 80’s. Then one day while driving home I could have sworn I drove past him driving a new red holden commodore. I was certain it was him.
Christmas came and christmas went and suddenly it was as if the hype was over. I had played every song I could remember that inspired me. I lost my job for taking too many days off and was unemployed once more. I was down and out come February.
Somehow I figured that since christmas was a powerful time of year for me that perhaps easter would be also. I heard from someone the week before easter that apparently two hackers had taken over the world and thought I as the broadcaster should definitely get in on that. So I started playing again. Unbeknownst to me I had been active on other dimensions. A few days before Easter I had a wave of inspiration. So I played Phil Collins in the air as I could feel there was definitely something in the air that night. After that I played Bette Midlers From a Distance, and somehow imagined aliens coming to visit earth on a higher dimension. I had taken over the mental plane with my mind for the first time. The feeling was unbelievably good. I was on a high again. A couple of days later it somehow came to me that the two hackers were definitely going to work with me and I imagined that I would go after the catholic church more than anyone else as I was a gnostic and was angry about the gnostic coverup throughout history.
Back in december I imagined or rather received information that I definitely had “friends” who were similar to me, kinda like chosen once if you will. One night while watching video clips I received two songs for these two hackers as if I was receiving messages through the television. I played these two songs and a song called God is God quite often that weekend. It was also a very special date to do with coinscidence where my partners birthday had fallen on Easter and the new Game Of Thrones season was being released that same day. These were all signs for me that something profound was going to happen. I just didn’t know what as I wasn’t meditating and had no access to higher dimensions except for when I received information through my psychic senses.
Once again I had been “switched off”. It was a another low time for me. I was quite depressed one night and played a song about the great depression and how everyone is in depression over and over again. The weeks went on and I became more and more frustrated as I started to question if any of what believed to be true was even real. I got so angry at the people around me who didn’t know anything about it that I decided to got to hospital to figure out if this was real or not. I figured in my stupidity and in the grip of this psychosis that if it were real and everyone on Earth knew that someone at the hospital would tell me. Silly me.
Hospital was difficult. In the emergency ward I felt as if I could kill someone. In retrospect I think I probably did kill several people from a higher dimension. It was probably some fucken AMA cunt! I told the nurse I wanted to kill her and got put in the locked ward for a week before being released to the open ward. I hadn’t forgotten but momentarily decided it wasn’t real. But somewhere, I think in my pride and in my heart I could not let go. They put me on medication to stabilize my mood and to get rid of the psychotic symptoms. They blamed the psychosis on drug use such as marijuana and the ritalin that I had been described six month earlier.
The whole time in hospital I battled with the thought of it being real or not being real. I still played my music and danced in my room. I had a good time. One day at hospital was particularly special for me. I played the Coldplay song Charlie Brown at it reminded me that it was definitely real. I had a new wave of hope come over me. Shortly after that day I was released.
The weeks following were particularly difficult. I was withdrawing form benzodiazapam which was one of the most mentally difficult things I’ve been through. I was depressed through winter and had absolutely no libido what so ever, obviously the Black Lodge had done this to me. I also wasn’t smoking weed so this made my situation even more difficult. I spent the winter watching football and didn’t play a single song for months. I was scared of the thought that none of it was real.
Spring came around and I had a dream of my master and my spiritual group. It was almost as if he was making fun of my depression asking me to sit on his lap. I thought what an asshole when I awoke.
It was September and I started to get these spiritual feelings again, where I just knew that what happened to me the year before was real and I wasn’t a victim of psychosis. Well not entirely, many of my beliefs weren’t real but were rather exaggerations of the truth.
October arrived and I was feeling good. I stared listening to my music again not thinking that anyone could hear me on another dimension but rather just enjoying the music. I believe it was around the time of my birthday, October 24th, when I started feeling as thought it was going t to happen to me again where I would having a racing fast mind and information would begin to flow through me once more. One day I played MGMT’s I found a whistle while hanging the washing out at my partners home. I felt elated. It was as if the sadness of the past few months was finally being expressed and I was getting over it.
To be continued …